


Bitter Warmth

by Aaron_The_8th_Demon



Category: The Terminator (1984)
Genre: F/M, Love, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 05:59:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14743262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaron_The_8th_Demon/pseuds/Aaron_The_8th_Demon
Summary: Why did the past have to be so beautiful?





	Bitter Warmth

**Author's Note:**

> Reference to an unfortunately deleted scene of Kyle actually crying because he can't take in a world that isn't totally ruined. You all know it, you've all seen it on YouTube, the scene that shouldn't have been cut out above all the others that shouldn't have been cut out. Really. Michael Biehn's acting is superb in that scene.

The greenness of it all, now that they'd left the main area of Los Angeles, was disorienting.

Reese was more than a little disappointed in himself about how he'd reacted to it, actually; Sarah Connor, this lovely but naive young woman who'd become the legend he'd grown up with, needed him to be strong - to protect her from the machine as long as he was able, to show her everything he could in however much time before he most likely would die completing his mission. Reese was under no illusions about how this would end for him.

The thing that struck him most, though - more than the safety, or the abundant supplies at these storage depots called "groceries," or the greenness, or children playing in the streets without fear, or how nobody but him and Sarah seemed to be armed - was the brightness and the warmth.

Once he'd been recovered from the camp by the Resistance, Reese had learned from the grizzled old veterans about how the sun would appear all day, every day, not hidden behind dirty ashen clouds except for the occasional pale glimpse in their frigid summers. Summer was a word that meant rivers temporarily unfroze, the grayish snow would mostly vanish. It was a dangerous time for all. Without the ground covered by frost, dust laden with radioactive isotopes was still a potentially lethal hazard, bodies of water became impassable, the somewhat-vulnerable hydraulic fluids of the machines were no longer sluggish and allowed them to regain their fully offensive status.

So, growing up in a world that always trying to kill him, Reese learned to treasure the long cold months. Now, in the past, years before he'd even be born (the thought of which still gave him a headache), he couldn't help but hate this strange feeling of environmental heat. Lighter clothing - it had no ballistic plates or even padding to stop projectile weapons. Sunshine - little to no cover was to be found. And in this warm place, so bright it often hurt his eyes, Reese was the only thing between the mother of the future and a relentless tool of Skynet. There was nobody to provide covering fire or intelligence updates, or even to tell him he hadn't just gone crazy and was only imagining this whole scenario.

The bitterness Reese had towards all of this was made worse by his proximity to Sarah Connor.

It had only been a couple of years ago... or something, given his shift in timelines, when he'd finally put a word to his odd sentiment towards the battered old photo his commanding officer had gifted him. He loved it; he loved  _her,_ this legendary woman, looking sadly out from the plastic. Reese had fallen helplessly for someone he'd never even dreamed of meeting, gazing at the image in his rare moments of downtime or even just feeling it through his pocket when he needed comfort in the field. It made him question General Connor's motive behind turning it over to him. Had Reese's leader known, somehow?

Now, Reese was simply around her, around Sarah, putting his fucking all into this suicide mission, and all he could think about was how guilty he felt - because he knew he wasn't saving her for humanity's sake, but simply because he'd fallen in love with her. She'd screamed at him, hit him, bitten his hand, and still Reese couldn't help but love her. He didn't understand that about himself. He'd left all his squad-mates, his commander, everything he knew. For this woman who probably still doubted him even now. Reese couldn't blame her for that. Everything he'd told her sounded insane to his own ears, after all, once he'd actually voiced his mission.

She was sitting behind him, just whispering things, and Reese was still berating himself because he'd been so damn selfish. There were a dozen other soldiers he could think of off the top of his head who could've done a better job here than him, but he'd been shouting loudest to be allowed transport to this warm past time. Now that he was here, he remembered that old saying, another thing veterans always griped to the younger troops - that you should be careful what you wish for. He hated this place, this time, because it only made him remember more sharply how terrible things really were.

And now, Sarah was assuming him to be disappointed with her, somehow, and Reese hated himself that much more for making her feel bad. He could hear the sadness and the fear in her voice, but it was confusing because she seemed to be sad for  _him._ Even though Reese was sad for  _her_ , and she shouldn't feel like that. No, he could never be disappointed in her, and he told her so, trying to soothe her. The effort seemed to be in vain, because even desperately avoiding looking back at her, Reese could hear the tears in her voice. And then he was trying not to cry again himself, because listening to her hurting made him feel like he was dying.

Somehow, this got the truth out of him, and as soon as he'd told her, he got as far away as this tiny place would let him. He shouldn't have said it, he shouldn't have told her, it had been a terrible mistake. Maybe a fatal one. John Connor had repeated endlessly that the future wasn't set, after all, and maybe now Reese had fucked everything up in the space of six words.

But then she was by him, again, purposefully. Her hands on his face... they were so soft... trying to kiss him, even softer. Reese was at a loss for all of ten seconds, but then he had her in his arms and he was kissing her. And everything he'd thought or felt before then was forgotten, if only for a moment, because something about this felt like he should've been doing this all along. Kyle Reese had found a different warmth from Sarah Connor, and it was the only warmth in this unthinkable past that he couldn't bring himself to feel bitter towards.

**Author's Note:**

> This just sort of got into my brain and rudely demanded to be written. I feel like this was an aspect of Kyle's psyche that's been largely overlooked by a lot of fic writers, to be honest.
> 
> Hope you liked it, please leave kudos/comments.
> 
> If you enjoyed this work, please feel free to check out my original WIP, [Nucleus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10027367).


End file.
